Angria [2]

Hello once again my sweet Grace,
    Once more I extend all my well wishes to you and anxiously await news of how you are.  As I mentioned in my previous letter, mama and I had received another invitation from the Musgroves.  This invitation was for two days ago however, and I am sure you are curious as to why I am only writing to you now.  This is because I felt I needed time to gather my thoughts on these proceedings and I wished to tell you about the day as objectively as possible.  Something I felt I could not do so soon after the party met.  Indeed I am very eager to tell you all, but I must calm myself and remember to start from the beginning.
    At around one in the afternoon Miss Musgrove, or Anna rather, I don't know why I have been penning her name so formally--forgive me I diverge.  Around one Anna, Catherine, and Clarissa found their way to my home and invited me to picnic with them in lieu of visiting at the hall.  I immediately went to mama and begged her approval which she graciously bestowed.  Our walk was brief for they had planned already on going to the meadow near your parent's estate, if you still are able to recall that place.  My companions informed me that the gentlemen would be joining us as soon as they were finished with their sport, which I looked forward to for I sincerely prefer male company to female, except you, of course.
    Anna and Catherine began to prepare the picnic, which was not to start without the gentleman, and Clarissa took me by the arm and asked me to take her on a little tour of the area.  During this walk she conveyed to me the innermost desires of her heart, or what I assume to be her heart. "Abagail," she began, "Tell me, what exactly do you think of Captain Dashwood?"
    "For sure he seems to be a charming man, but I have only met him once and cannot, therefore, be a very good judge."  Believing that she probably preferred to hear nothing of my opinion but merely asked me in order to voice her own, I continued, "But what do you think of him?  For you are living under the same roof as he is and are sure to have a better understanding of his complete person."
    Here she smiled and condescendingly lightly squeezed my hand.  This may seem not objective but I assure you I felt almost degraded at this moment.  And very much like a child.  "You are quite right, Abagail," she told me.  "I am sure I do know much more about him than you.  And I think him very handsome, to begin with.  Often, you know, when you meet military men they are missing an arm or a leg or some other important body part, but Dashwood's features are all very comely and held together well.  He's not wealthy, as you may have concluded on your own," which if you remember correctly I did, "but I have more than enough money to see us well taken care of.  But oh," here Clarissa paused dramatically and with a deep sigh continued, "Abagail!  I cannot truly tell if I have any affection for the man.  Often when we are engaged in conversation, or I catch him gazing at me across the room, I turn to Catherine to see how it stings her."
      At this point she turned to me in expectation of some immediate response.  However, I was quite at a loss, I did not know how to begin.  And so she continued again, "Oh!  You must think me an awful woman!  But I am not.  Truly, what is a little competition between cousins?  You did know Catherine and I are cousins, did you not?"  No I did not know, "And honestly, how can she expect to catch such a strong man when she is so meek and timid.  I am completely myself and I seem to draw him in.  Poor Catherine, sometimes I wonder if she will ever find a husband for she doesn't know how to work men."
    Well, I also wonder now if Catherine will ever find a husband.  With a woman like Clarissa near me at all hours I would not expect to find a husband myself.  However, I knew I must abstain from censure so I searched for a plain response, "Oh well, yes.  A woman does have to make some sort of effort if she hopes of securing a man."
    She ran wild with this.  "That is exactly what I have told her, Abagail!  You are a woman after my own heart.  I knew when I met you that I needn't fear you would be similar to Catherine.  You hold yourself too proudly with your nose at just the right angle to be so foolish."  Might I interject here, Grace?  Do you believe me to hold my nose at any particular angle?  Because I truly do not believe I do and Clarissa has made me feel like a haughty woman which I never strive to be.  Indeed if I were a woman after her own heart I should pity myself prodigiously, as I pity Dashwood for having any opinion of her at all.
    Needless to say the conversation ran on like this until we returned to the others.  She chattered incessantly about how to keep hold of a man and make sure he did not go chasing after other women.  I responded with short answers that most would understand as being not interested in the conversation.  However, my murmured responses did not faze her in the slightest.  When we reached the picnic I sat down near Catherine and closed my eyes, for we have had lovely weather lately, a nice warm temperature with a nice cool breeze stirring our treetops.  Before much conversation was able to pass between the four of us the gentlemen arrived.
    Dashwood met our group first, being ahead of the other men, perhaps because he is so athletic.  He certainly looks very athletic.  He sat down between Clarissa and Catherine.  Mr. Musgrove and Mr. Zambrano arrived next.  They seemed to be in deep contemplation of a certain bird and what its name might or might not have been.  They sat near Anna, which is understandable since she is Mr. Musgrove's daughter, so I shall not take offense to Zambrano not sitting near me.  Mr. Heaton arrived quite after the rest looking rather unhappy.  It was my privilege to have him sit near me and I was lucky enough to become engrossed by his tale of losing his prey earlier that day.  I nodded silently and divided my time between watching Zambrano and watching Dashwood.  There is not much to report on Zambrano sadly, but there is quite a report to be given on Dashwood.
    As I stated earlier, he made it a certain point to sit between Clarissa and Catherine.  He could have sat on the other side of Clarissa, or on the other side of Catherine, but he chose the middle, which I think says quite a bit.  But then, after having a few snacks, Clarissa addressed him thus, "Captain Dashwood, what is it you think of my darling cousin?"  She gave a foul smile to Catherine and turned her attention back to the captain.
   Dashwood started at such a question, which I thought was fitting for it was quite an inappropriate question and as you may imagine Catherine's cheeks had turned quite red with embarrassment.  However, the captain did venture to make a response which was not so worthy, "Catherine is a very fine girl indeed," he said.  "She has got a lovely head and a fine personality.  She shall have no problems attracting men," as he said this Dashwood looked directly at Catherine and winked!  I still cannot believe he had the gall to do so.  Do you see, Grace, that he is leading them both on?  I thought it was perhaps just Clarissa who was to be dismissed as a flirt but clearly it is not.  And worse, I think Dashwood is using Catherine to make Clarissa jealous.  Poor Catherine, if I have ever caused a fellow woman as much pain as Clarissa has caused Catherine than I think I would deserve to burn.
      Clarissa replied, "Is that truly what you think, sir?  For I have heard from others that they would have nothing to do with her.  And would prefer a more outspoken woman who was confident in herself."  She smiled smugly at Dashwood as if knowing for a fact that she was more preferable than Catherine.  Though I would not give her my preference for the world.
     At this point the trio had quite attracted the attention of the entire group and upon hearing Clarissa's last words I addressed Catherine and asked her if she would like to take a stroll with me.  She readily agreed and we left the scene silently.  However, I feel it incumbent for me to say that I left Mr. Heaton quite angry and not long after we had taken five steps quick footsteps were heard behind us and I turned to find, to my surprise, dear Zambrano.  He smiled politely at me and continued our stroll with us.  Our party did not say much for we were all, I'm sure, quite astounded by what had just happened.  I did notice however, after our departure, that Clarissa had moved closer to Dashwood and he seemed to be whispering secrets into her ear.
    And thus was the picnic.  I returned home and told mama that we had all had a wonderful time.  I then took myself to the library, opened a book, and pretended to amuse myself while I contemplated my new acquaintances.  I am not sure I want to spend any more time with the group at all, you know, and may consider rejecting the next invitation, if I am to receive one.  And you can imagine, I'm sure, how I passed the next day in solitude with only mother to entertain me.  As I've said before it is quite awful to not have you here with me, by my side at every moment.  But I shall pass the hours away by dreaming of a time when we will be united again.  Give my best to George, which I believe I forgot to mention in my last.

Thinking of you often,
   Abagail Lovelace

February 25